Aww, is he sleeping?
This post is part of the June Carnival of Breastfeeding (and my first!). This month’s theme is ‘Nursing in Public’. For links to more wonderful posts about the joys of NIP, scroll to the list at the bottom – this will be updated as more posts are added. Thanks for reading!
After my son was born I remember wondering how any mum ever managed to breastfeed discreetly in public. For me, breastfeeding involved holding my boob in one hand and my baby’s head in the other as I struggled to find the Holy Grail that was a good (and pain free) latch, followed by a good deal of spluttering and choking on his part as he struggled to cope with my fast letdown reflex. And that was before we got to the part where my other boob would leak in sympathy with the one he was feeding from while I frantically tried to cover my saggy ‘mummy tummy’ – all in all, not a very discreet experience!
Having had a caesarean section I had a good excuse not to feed in public for a while; I couldn’t drive so I couldn’t really go anywhere that wasn’t within walking distance of my house and the privacy of my front room. When I did go out, I was meticulous about feeding my little boy before I went to minimise the chances of him screaming for ‘boobie juice’ in a public place.
My plans were foiled one day though, when I decided to be adventurous and meet a friend for lunch in a hotel about 30 minutes’ drive from where we live. By the time I managed to feed the baby, get him ready and drive to the place it had been over an hour since he last had any milk and true to form, as soon as my yummy lunch was served he decided it was time he got in on the mealtime act too. I tried rocking the pushchair with my foot but as his cries got louder it quickly became apparent that only one thing was going to pacify him. And that’s how my first public breastfeed came about; not on a squashy couch in M&S, not in a lovely mum and baby room, but on a rickety dining room chair in a fairly busy restaurant, while I ate my meal one-handed, no doubt flashing my poor friend repeatedly in the process.
After that I got over any hang-ups I’d had about feeding in public quite quickly. My main worry wasn’t that people would see my boobs, but that they would see my post-baby belly and I found that if I wore a stretchy vest top in a bigger size underneath a t-shirt or shirt I could pull the t-shirt up and the vest top down to allow nursing access without flashing any flesh.
Over time, my little boy got really good at latching on without much help from me which meant an end to all that faffing around trying to get him positioned properly, and as he got older my letdown was more manageable for him which meant that I didn’t end each feed looking like I’d been attacked by somebody with a water pistol full of breastmilk.
A pivotal moment for me was when my brother-in-law came to visit us one day when I was feeding my son; he walked right into the room, over to where I was sitting and asked ‘aww, is he sleeping?’ only to be told that no, he wasn’t sleeping, he was guzzling away! It was only then that I realised what other people could see was very different from what I could see, and that in fact I had become one of those discreetly breastfeeding mummies I had so admired!
I ended up breastfeeding my son for a whole year and in that time I fed him in all sorts of places from cars to cafes and even once in church, during a wedding! I was lucky in that I never encountered any negative attitudes and if people didn’t like what I was doing, they certainly kept their opinions to themselves. On the contrary, I actually got lots of positive comments from people. Best of all were the many mums I met in mum and baby rooms in places like Mothercare, Ikea and more – it felt great to be part of the breastfeeding ‘club’ and was lovely to hear how other mums were finding the experience as well as bonding over our shared knowledge that we were doing something really wonderful for our children. Unlike some people, I never felt as though I was hiding away – in fact these places were a godsend when it came to persuading my very distractible baby to stop being so nosy and just feed!
As time went on I became increasingly proud of the fact that I was breastfeeding and didn’t feel the need to hide it. I think it’s important that Western culture becomes re-accustomed to the sight of mothers feeding their children in what is the most natural, normal way. No mum should have to feel embarrassed about feeding her baby whenever and wherever it’s required – and I certainly won’t in future.
‘(Boobs) Out and Proud’ – Lucy & Ethel Have a Baby
‘Would you could you nurse in public?’ – PhD in Parenting
‘Breastfeeding in Public – Talents – I haz it’ – Dirty Diaper Laundry
‘Here? At the restaurant?’ – Kim Through the Looking Glass
‘Nursing in a room full of people you know’ – Grudgemom
‘Nursing in Public: Chinatown, the Subway, the Vatican and More’ – Massachussetts Friends of Midwives
‘Breastfeeding Oriana’ – Mother Mary’s Soapbox
‘Nursing in Public as an Immigrant’ – Tiny Grass
‘Breastfeeding in Public’ – Mommy News and Views
‘To Cover or not To Cover’ – Breastfeeding 1-2-3
‘Little Old Men…& Nursing in Public’ – Stork Stories
‘Why worry about NIP?’ – Chronicles of a Nursing Mom
‘Breastfeeding and the summertime’ – Warm Hearts, Happy Family
‘Thank You for Nursing in Public’ – Blacktating
‘NIP, no tuck’ – Musings on Mamahood
‘Get kicked off a bus for nursing in public? Here’s how to respond’ – Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog
‘Products that can help you breastfeed in Public’ – Mama knows Breast
‘A Wee NIP in the Park!’ – Babyready
‘Planes, trains and automobiles…’ – Tales of Life with a girl on the go
‘NIP: A Fresh Perspective on Nurse-Ins’ – Breastfeeding Moms Unite
‘Breastfeeding hats? Yes! Nursing covers? Uh..not so much’ – Never a dull moment
‘NIP – what’s a breastfeeding mother to do?!’ – Breastfeeding Mums Blog
‘Easy, discreet way to breastfeed a toddler in public’ – HoboMama
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Just last night, I was having drinks (water for me, thanks
) with friends and Peeper was in my lap, nursing and sleeping.
The waitress stopped by our table, leaned over to look at Peeper, and made a comment about her being able to sleep with all the music, noise and people around.
When she left, one of my friends (who also happened to be one of midwives – she missed catching Peeper by about 15 hours – she was on call the next day) pointed out that, “She had NO idea that she was nursing!”
Your post made me laugh!! We didn’t have latching issues, but I did have a VERY strong let-down and a sympathetic leaky other boob as well! That combo does NOT make for an easy transition to nursing in public. I always had to make sure I brought enough burp cloths for spit-up AND milk catching when Gwen popped off to spray the room
Wonderful post, and I love reading the UK words and trying to figure out what they mean =) I agree with you about feeling like part of the ‘club’ when it comes to breastfeeding. I feel special when I feed my daughter, I feel like I have hidden super-powers!
By the way, I love your blog layout!
Hi Whozat!
Seriously, I relied on breastfeeding so much in situations like that. I don’t know how formula feeders cope when their babies are crying or unsettled; nursing was my fix-all solution!
Hi Kim
Ha ha – the spraying always amazed me! All I can say is than God for leather couches; mine practically had to be hosed down once a week to get rid of all the milk that had been sprayed/dribbled/puked on it!
Hi Nicole
Thanks! It’s a great feeling – I don’t know about you but I always felt I could see a difference between my son and friends’ babies who were formula fed. He kind of glowed – and of course I’m biased, but I always felt I could see how healthy it was making him in his clear skin and bright eyes!
I was loling at the water pistol comment! I guess I was one of the lucky ones who never leaked or had an overactive let down.
I am jealous that you have an Ikea… I went to one in another town. They had a nice mom’s room.
I had a similar experience–awkward, unplanned first time in a restaurant–followed by lots of success and the “aw, is he sleeping?” question as well (once from a Sunday School teacher in front of a roomful of teenagers at my parents’ church–I just said, “no, eating,” and left it at that).
I had that happen to me with an old man. He came over and started cooing at the baby and talking to me, even stroking her head. Then all of a sudden he said “oh! She’s nursing!” and that was the end of that conversation. Actually he handled it pretty well come to think of it. He was polite anyway.
Hi Kim
I LOVE Ikea – they are so well equipped for babies and children! We sometimes go there just for an afternoon out, even if we don’t really need anything!
Ha ha Melodie, it’s quite the conversation killer, once they realise!
Christina
Nothing like getting thrown in at the deep end! x
I have a friend that is a lactating pro. She can walk around Wal-Mart with her baby in the sling, nursing away the whole time. She told me that old ladies come up to her and go “aww is he sleeping” and peek into the sling. She said some of them are fairly shocked to discover that baby C is eating. She’s never had anyone be rude to her about it, but she said its pretty funny to see their reactions. Great post!
I am definitely going to try a sling next time, it would be nice to be able to walk and nurse at the same time! Although I do think breastfeeding is a wonderful excuse to sit down and rest, I am hoping we will be blessed with another before too long and with a toddler on the go, I think feeding on the go would be a valuable skill! Thanks for commenting
Lovely post.
What’s this Breastfeeding Carnival all about?
Thanks Jen. I’m a newbie to it myself to be honest – basically there is a topic every month and you write a post, then all the Carnival participants email each other links to their posts, which are in turn posted on all of their blogs. I was introduced to it by Sinead Hoben at Breastfeeding Mums Blog so you could email her if you’re interested, although I think it’s officially organised by a lady called Tanya Lieberman at Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog!
It’s fun to read all the posts, is great for finding like minded bloggers and of course, sends a little extra traffic your way!
Best “equipment” for being mobile and nursing in public is the ERGObaby carrier. My son (10 months now) loves hanging out in there and when he is hungry or fussy, I just offer him a little snack – and noone can see it! (just have a tank top underneath to pull down and a shirt on top, so everything is covered.
Hi Mona
Thanks for the tip! I will have to take a look…
What a great idea. I can tell you breastfeeding is a lot easier the second time around and we’ve gone the sling route much earlier – in fact we haven’t even bothered with the whole double buggy thing so far.
What a wonderful story! Good for you! I love your descriptive writing! I esp like the ‘Holy Grail’ description of a pain free latch and comfortable flow! Look forward to reading more.
Hi B_L – thanks!
Hiya
This is a lovely post, having lived in Denmark it is amazing the difference in culture towards breastfeeding in public. It is posts like this and people like you who will hopefully encourage others to be more comfortable in public, well done!
Yes, I find a milk-filled boob is just the right thing to bring to dinner so you can enjoy an (early) evening out with husband or friends. The boob always knows how much milk the baby wants; a bottle is not as clever!
Melodie, that’s pretty funny that a guy was stroking your baby’s head. And cool that he wasn’t mortified when it turned out that you were nursing!
Come to think of it, nursing in a sling was the way that I made it through Target on my first solo outing with baby at around 2 weeks. I actually walked and nursed at the same time, not sure how a first time mom is that bold- probably bc my sister was so matter of fact with the nursing of her 3 kids.
I have GOT to figure out how to nurse in my ERGO.